Movin' On

IT'S GETTIN' BETTER.....

    Well, things seem to be getting better everyday. I wrote this poem last night and gave it to my boyfriend. I have never wrote a poem before but I think it's pretty good. It expresses my true feelings about our relationship. Things are going better between both of us. Things are also going a LOT better between me and my mom. The prayers I asked for must really actually work. Thanks to everyone who kept us in their prayers, I really appreciate it. I know as well as you do that i'm not a religous person bu I do beleive in God, Heaven and Hell and NOW I believe that God really does answer prayers and he really does listen when you pray to him. I'm glad that I finally realize that. When I get my car back, I'm going to try to get my boyfriend to start going to church with me, if he wont, I will go by myself. I think it would be good for both of us. We'll see if he will go. Well, tomorrow me, Bubba, Kelly, and her friend are driving like 2 hours away to go see Christmas Lights. It will be pretty fun I think. Well, not much to say really so here's the poem I wrote...

I've loved you since I first laid eyes on you,

The whole world sees it, they know it's true.

If you weren't here, my world would end,

I'd never be the same, my heart would never mend.

If the sky turned grey, and we fell apart,

It would ruin my day and break my heart.

All the nights I've sat up waiting,

I fear our love is slowly fading.

The nights I've cried all alone in my bed,

I want you there beside me, your chest to rest my head.

The love I once felt when looking into your eyes,

has seem to have turned into a thousand lies.

You always have time to spend with your boys,

I'm not trying to be just one of your toys.

Those late Winter nights when it gets cold,

I wish you were here for me to hold.

I have you my heart, just give yours to me,

My heart is with you, just use the key.

My love to you, i am still sending,

If you love me too, please tell me there's no ending.

I love you with all my heart, but is it really fair,

That sometimes I don't even kow if you truely even care?

*Written for Hugh "Bubba" McGrew  December 7, 2006*

JUST ANOTHER DAY!!!!!!

       Hey everyone! Sorry it's been a while since I updated, I've been really busy lately with school, work and going to my dads. There's a lotta stuff going on with my family right now and I'm just not sure what to do anymore. My mom is doing a lot of stupid stuff and saying a lot of stuff that she shouldn't say to her daughter.  I love my mom, but right now I have no respect for her. When she starts treating me like her daughter, I'll treat her like my mom. I don't understand how she can say and do the things she does to her own kid. She chooses her boyfriend, Zack, over me. She tells me that she is broke and wont even get me anything to eat, and then she goes and buys Zack cigarettes and whatever else he wants. He is old enough to provide for himslef, so am I, but I go to school AND work, he only works 3 hours a day for 5 days a week!! Grow up, right?! I don't know what to do anymore. I try my best to keep a happy home, but with her acting like she does, it's impossible!! Most people think it's me, yet the other day she said something that totally broke my heart! She blamed me for her and my dads devorce, get real, I was 4 years old!!! Then she says that soon Zack will get tired of her and if not I'll run him off like everyone else she has ever cared about! How could she say that to me? I'm getting tired of her crap!This isn't right.

     Well, The good things...YAY! Well, I have been spending a lotta time with my dad. Me and my Boyfriend went there for my birthday (17 woo-hoo) and Thanksgiving. After that we just went to go see him. WE, YES WE, even stayed the night down there once because of everything going on up here. I might be moving back there soon, my mom is thinkin about moving to North Carolina with Zack's mom and stepdad....running away when things get tough ONCE AGAIN! Oh well, dads is a better place for me anyways, except he works during the week and I'll have to stay with grandma, if i could stay at the house it wouldn' be so bad, but he can't trust me because of what happebed last time, which nothing "HAPPENED" that night though, they were just there. Well, my boyfriend has one more month until he leaves for Fort Benning, Georgia to the Basic Training for the National Guard. He will be gone from January until March or April, depending on the day he leaves. Then he will get back for a little time, and then leave for a year. Im really NOT that happy about it. It's what he wants to do though, that's what his dad did and he is just following in his footsteps, and if that is gonna make him happy,  I'll be there waiting when he gets back home. I've had a lotta boyfriends, and I'm only 17 years old, but I will stand by this man until the day he doesn't want me anymore. I will be with him as long as he wants. Who knows, maybe he is the one for me. My family actually likes this one, EVEN MY DAD!!! lol. He treats me really good. We joke around a lot, but what's a relationship if yah cant be yourself and play around?! That's just how we are. We are both really happy right now. I hope this one lasts. We have been together for almost 5 months, I'm hoping these 5 months, end up leading into 5 years and more!!!! I really think I love this guy. I know what everyone is going to think, and that's the ONLY reason we don't share how we feel with other people. He's only 18, I'm only 17...BIG DEAL!!  Feelings don't lie!! We can't change the way we feel, and we wouldn't if we could anyways! We are happy, why should we?! Well, I have never been this happy for a LONG time, and neither has he, we both deserve it. Well, I'm gonna go get in the shower, I just got off I work and I'm really tired, so I better go take a shower now so I can just go to bed  in a little bit. LEAVE COMMENTS...PLEASE?!!??!!??!!??!!??                 

love you all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!          ;)

I'M FUCKED!!!!!

Hey guys...I guess today wasn't better than yesterday like I hoped it would be. My boyfriend was supposed to go to court and I wanted to be there in case he went to jail because he would be there for like 3-5 months. So, I didn't go to school and my mom got pissed and called my dad and was threatening to send me back there...FUCK THAT!!! I hate that place. WEll, he didn't end up going to court because he called them and told them he can't make it so he goes like friday or whatever, and I was gonna go to school and when I got there they said I couldn't stay because I gotta go to alternative school, I guess I start tomorrow....if I decide to go..LOL. I gotta go for like 3 days or whatever. I hate all the people at Belpre! they can all fuck off for all I care. I don't need those son of a bitches. They can all burn in hell....I know I will! The difference between me and tha rest of tha world is I don't care what happens to me. I have been through too much shit to care about life anymore. The only thing that keeps me going anymore is my boyfriend. I love him with all my heart. I dunno what I would do without him and I hope I never find out. I never wanna lose him, he means tha world to me! I would probably go back to my old ways if we broke up....which means I would probably end up dead in a few years. I did a lot of stupid shit and I still think about it all tha time, but when I think about him, that's when I realize I can't do that shit anymore....but if he leaves me, there wont be anything stopping me, yah know! There isn't much in life to live for, but he is worth all the pain life brings. He will have my heart until the day I die, regardless of what happens between us. I could never love again if he left me. I have never been this close to anyone or loved anyone as much as I love him. He has change me so much and everyone can see a difference. I just need to get another job and go get my medicine back so I can calm down a LOT. I feel so horrible because I feel like he isn't happy with me and that I treat him bad, and I never wanna do that! If I lost that boy, I would lose my whole world. He is my world!! He is at our friends house right now, he should be home soon, I'm here alone and I hate being by myself. I called up there and he said he would be here in a lil' bit. I miss him so much and he's only been gone for a few hours...LOL! He is the best boyfriend...I hsope I never lose him over someone else, but I have him, that's how I see it right now. He is with me, and if he didn't wanna be he would have already left me and would be with someone else, right?!! Well, anyways I am kinda busy doin some other stuff too, so I'ma go for now and I'll write more later or whatever....love yah!!  ~Trista Nichole~

IM BACK!!!!

   Hey guys, I'm back again...FINALLY!!! So, my life has been pretty weird here lately but oh well. Since my last enrty I moved in with my mom and we ended up moving to Belpre. I went to Eastern still for a month or whatever, but I go to Belpre High School now. I hate that place, there are a lotta mean people there who thinks they are better than everyone else and shit, but I dont have a problem with anyone but Ashley Martin and I'm gonna kick her ass because she is trying to get with my man all tha time and I ain't havin' that! She is a really big whore, why would he want her when he has me? ;)  Well, anyways we have been together for almost 4 months. I love that boi with all my heart...finally a good boyfriend, I never knew what that felt like until now! He is really sweet. I used to work at McDonlads but I quit Saturday, but anyways, before I quit he brought me roses at work, how sweet?! I haven't seen a LOT of my friends from Eastern in a LONG time. I kinda miss 'em!! :(   Since I hate Belpre School, I am gonna start doing Online Schooling within a couple weeks, it is gonna take that long for the paperwork and stuff. I might go back to Eastern for my senoir year, that is if we have the $money$ to spend on that much gas everyday!! But then I might not if I like this online stuff better, I dont gotta get up at freakin 6:30 to get ready if I do it Online, I can do it whenever and sleep all tha time..YAY!! lol. I love sleep, it's my favorite thing. I'm so bored right now. Mom, Zack, Kelly, and Bubba are gone. I'm here all alone. Bubba is supposed to be commin here anytime though. I hate being by myself for very long...I'm afraid I'm gonna start talkin to myself and shit...no, I'm just playin'!! I hope that everyone is doing good. There has been a lot of stupid shit goin on with me and I hope that is is gonna be over finally. Tomorrow is gonna be a hard day, if yah wanna know ask, but I dont want everyone to see it...my family that likes to get into my personal shit and tell my dad on me and get us pissed at each other...THANKS Jessica, Tammy and Crystal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   I LOVE WHEN YOU FUCKIN' DO THAT SHIT!!! Ok, I'm done going crazy..lol. Man, I'm so bored and I don't know what to do. I guess I'm just gonna wait until Bubba gets here. It looks like it's gonna rain or I would go on a walk....(to Ashley Martins) LOL...just playin'!! I didn't go to school today because I called to set up the online schooling and my stomach hurt soooo bad and now my dad is pissed....SURPRISE!!! I can't freakin please anyone! It's almost 5:00 and I still have nothing to do. Well, I guess I am gonna go for now. I'll write more later...love yah guys!!! ~Trista Nichole~